Comments on Life With Eliza Grace: "Single" and "Special"

I HATE HATE HATE it when married women say they ar...

2011-07-29T16:51:59.736-04:00

I HATE HATE HATE it when married women say they are "like" single moms. I hear it ALL the time from my medical school wives friends-- No. You are not practically a single mother. YOU STAY AT HOME! You have a husband who is supporting you. You have an emotional partner in the parenting of your children. You do not have to work to support your children. Ugh. It is so ignorant. I'm not a single mother, nor was my mother single, but I have many friends who were raised by single mothers and friends who are now single mothers. To compare my life (woe is me, my husband studies a lot) to theirs is shameful.

Off soapbox.

Jo, the "goddess" tag kind of scares me ...

2011-07-27T01:23:35.700-04:00

Jo, the "goddess" tag kind of scares me :) I'll take average hard working mom. Besides since I haven't had a manicure/pedicure in I don't know how long, I surely have been eliminated from the "goddess" category!

I think single moms - and parents of special needs...

2011-07-26T21:21:59.890-04:00

I think single moms - and parents of special needs kids - are amazing. Frankly, I don't know how you guys do it.

Then again, I also don't know how working mothers do it either. I'm a SAHM and I can barely get anything accomplished. I can't imagine going to work and then coming home to laundry, cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc.

So, if you are a single, working mother to a special needs child, then basically, you are nearing goddess status in my book!!!:-)

I agree. I am a single mother (by choice) to a mic...

2011-07-20T20:43:47.728-04:00

I agree. I am a single mother (by choice) to a micro preemie (not by choice). I must work. Not because I love it there and don't think that staying home with my daughter would be fabulous but because I have no choice. I like having a place to live.

Dear readers: Please note I deleted two comments ...

2011-07-19T08:28:32.342-04:00

Dear readers:

Please note I deleted two comments by Andrew Jozz.

Not to worry, I am not censoring comments!

Rather I deleted Mr. Jozz's post encouraging us to visit his real estate website to find our perfect home because it was really cheesy spam :)

2011-07-19T05:08:17.233-04:00

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2011-07-19T05:04:43.777-04:00

This comment has been removed by the author.

Hi Anon! Now I know what you meant! You are welc...

2011-07-15T22:46:03.555-04:00

Hi Anon!

Now I know what you meant!

You are welcome to post as Anon anytime ... whether it is sharing you sentiments or sediments :)

I wasn't trying to pry into your identity, your comment reminded me of someone I knew, hence my attempt to decipher who were :)

Sentiment not sediment. Darn spell check! P.S.: ...

2011-07-15T22:19:56.875-04:00

Sentiment not sediment. Darn spell check!

P.S.: to me it is obvious that it is harder to be the parent to a special needs kid than to a non-special needs kid and to be a single parent rather than to be a married parent.

This is the same Anon again. My response was to &...

2011-07-15T22:11:01.843-04:00

This is the same Anon again. My response was to "And hey, I've told you all along that I don't know how one person does it, at least not without being much much crabbier" by Sarah. I was actually pleased with that sediment. I am often accused of being crabby myself. BUT, I have darn good reasons for it! I was happy to see this understood.

Sorry, for not posting under a name or ID, but I have had posts traced back to me (on a newspaper blog) and suffered negative consequences for it in “real life.” I used an assumed name, but some people are experts at tracing things. Besides, my idea is that what you say should count for more than who you are. Thanks for having the anon feature on your blog!

Nicely said Anne!

2011-07-15T01:40:00.183-04:00

Nicely said Anne!

I have always firmly believed that EVERY single fa...

2011-07-13T10:38:16.799-04:00

I have always firmly believed that EVERY single family is different and everyone on the outside of said family- whoever makes up that family- never, ever, ever has any right, no way, no how, to voice their opinion.No one knows someone else's whole story.
I have run the gammut of cliches since having my three daughters- two are special needs-started out married and now find myself a single parent. No situation is ideal...you make do with what ya got!! I honestly don't care what people looking in from the outside think of me. I simply look at my happy, healthy, joyful daughters and know I am doing "the right thing"

Amen, Anne, amen. I'm so glad you brought up ...

2011-07-13T09:17:25.954-04:00

Amen, Anne, amen. I'm so glad you brought up the fact that a special needs kid costs so much more than one without special needs. When I was calculating my costs, none of this ever occured to me. You know, you try to prepare, try to prepare, and life hands you one big mess. Some folks at work held a fundraiser for a married colleague with a child who got sick, to offset the medical bills. But they never lifted one finger to assist me, because I "asked for it". True story. I just wonder how I asked for the special needs ... maybe it was me pleading with God to allow him to live, that's all I wanted, just let him live ... that must be it.

I dread the "you asked for it" response ...

2011-07-12T21:24:57.228-04:00

I dread the "you asked for it" response to my occasional complaints. Raising children is hard work. All moms need to be able to vent their frustrations without fear of judgement. I've had to let go of several "friends" who did not allow me to do that.

Here's to surrounding ourselves with positive support!

Barb, I will be there! I hope you will be too!

2011-07-12T09:31:34.748-04:00

Barb, I will be there! I hope you will be too!

I love your soapboxes, Anne. I cannot even begin ...

2011-07-12T09:28:55.543-04:00

I love your soapboxes, Anne. I cannot even begin to imagine dealing with all the issues you've dealt with raising Eliza, and whenever I start to feel overwhelmed by my full-term, relatively good-sleeping-and-definitely-good-eating pre-schooler, you can remind quite quickly of how much harder others might have it. Here's to 2011 being a year of more sleeping and more eating, and I look forward to seeing more creative expression from your genius daughter. :) (Will you be at the conference this fall?)

Anon, Perhaps I am confused. Who are you sugge...

2011-07-12T08:35:50.116-04:00

Anon,

Perhaps I am confused.

Who are you suggesting are the "crabby ones?" The working single mothers of special needs children (because really we are not a crabby bunch) or the people who criticize us for working? And what insight do you think this group has (which ever to which you refer).

Since you are Anon and didn't sign you post I can't decipher who you are, so I would love some enlightenment here.

IMHO the "crabby" people are the insight...

2011-07-12T04:08:30.439-04:00

IMHO the "crabby" people are the insightful ones! The honest ones too.

Sarah, I'm ready to open the commune when you...

2011-07-11T22:32:09.015-04:00

Sarah,

I'm ready to open the commune when you are!

I'm not exactly sure why motherhood is a compe...

2011-07-11T21:20:11.287-04:00

I'm not exactly sure why motherhood is a competition. I also do not understand the mentality of 'you made your bed, now lie in it.' Great comparison of married couples seeking out motherhood, too. And hey, I've told you all along that I don't know how one person does it, at least not without being much much crabbier.

But really, I think our situations simply make people uncomfortable, because the truth is, when someone looks at your situation they have to snap out of their netflix-watching, iPod-listening mind-numbing stupor and acknowledge that one of their fellow mankind might need some help, and that would require a lot of effort so instead they just tell you to camp up little buck ;)

But, then again - you're talking to a bleeding heart who has sympathy for Casey Anthony - and don't everyone start stoning me. I have my reasons. I didn't say I thought she was innocent, only that I have sympathy for her.

Sympathy doesn't seem like it's freely given in our country.

Wanna communal live on Saba? :)